The missing piece isn’t another rule, it’s a different relationship with sleep
Over the past couple of decades, sleep has gone from being something people bragged about sacrificing, to something widely recognized as an essential element of health. This shift in the cultural attitude towards sleep is true amongst the medical and health community, as well as for general societal opinions and attitudes toward sleep. We now recognize, more than ever, sleep as an important driver of productivity, resilience, physical health, and emotional well-being. As a result of this shift toward prioritizing the value of sleep, experts and sleep coaches seem to be everywhere promoting sleep optimization tips and hacks.
If you’ve been struggling with sleep, you’ve probably tried some of these optimization strategies. For example, typical advice from medical professionals and sleep experts may be tips such as: establish a consistent bedtime routine, make sure your bedroom is quiet and cool, be mindful of light exposure that promotes natural circadian rhythms, and turn off electronic devices well before bedtime. You may have followed similar advice from experts like Matthew Walker or Andrew Hubernman, both of whom offer thoughtful, research-based guidance.
But have you ever noticed that these sleep optimization strategies either work intermittently or don’t work at all for your chronic insomnia? This is something that people who are deeply struggling with sleep get wrong when they seek out support for their insomnia.
Sleep optimization is not built to treat the problem of chronic insomnia.
Sleep optimization is designed for people whose sleep system is intact but slightly off balance. Maybe they’re going to bed too late, getting inconsistent light exposure, or disrupting their circadian rhythm with their electronic habits. Maybe there has been a temporary life stressor that has temporarily disrupted sleep. In these cases, small adjustments can produce real improvements because the sleep system is still functioning and has not become dysregulated.
But chronic insomnia is different. Chronic insomnia happens when the sleep circuitry has become erratic. It is a conditioning problem. Over time, your brain begins to associate sleep with effort, frustration, and fear. You start monitoring your sleep and your body responds by staying alert. This is when optimization stops working. It stops working because sleep optimization relies on control. Specifically, it relies on self control–no caffeine, no big meals before bed, no alcohol.
Every new rule—every “do this, avoid that”—can reinforce the idea that sleep is fragile and something that needs to be managed carefully.
The mind-body approach to understanding and treating chronic insomnia takes a different approach entirely. Instead of trying to perfect sleep, it focuses on getting to the root of chronic insomnia by addressing how repressed emotional thoughts and fears drive chronic conditions. This approach seeks to employ methods that will help your nervous system purge the negative thoughts, emotions, and fears that send danger signals to your brain. These danger signals end up keeping you alert and in a state of hyperarousal. The mind-body approach doesn’t aim at “optimizing” sleep, rather it aims to normalize sleep by calming a system that has learned to stay on guard. Ironically, this often involves letting go of rigid sleep rules that the sleep experts advise.
This doesn’t mean the mind-body path is easy. In fact, it can feel uncomfortable at first especially if you’ve spent years trying to fix sleep through effort and discipline.
But the mind-body approach is fundamentally a different direction. If you’ve been stuck in the loop of trying everything and still not sleeping, it may not be because you haven’t found the right optimization strategy. It may be because you’ve been using the wrong framework entirely.
If you are looking for a gentler approach toward addressing your chronic problems with sleep, please consider learning about the Rest ReSET program. It is a specific journaling practice that will help your nervous system purge the negative thoughts, emotions, and fears that may be at the root of your chronic insomnia.
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